Life is so full of uncertain moments and anxious worry. But, every once in awhile, if you wait long enough and go through enough shit, life will throw you a bone. I think you have to go through the bad shit to appreciate the good. At least, that's what I like to believe. I can say that today...life has thrown me that elusive bone and I have been able to breathe a sigh of much needed relief.
I have a home to go to once I leave this townhouse at the end of the month. It isn't a shit hole or in BFE or horribly over priced. It's the perfect place for a brand new start and I am so thankful that I was able to work out a deal with the owner in order to afford it. It just goes to show that there are some really good people left in this cynical world. From the second I walked into my new house, my heart jumped into my throat and I was overwhelmed with excitement. It is everything I need right now and I can see myself living there for a long time, hopefully. I am so ready to fill it with family and friends and warm happy memories. I am so ready to make it my sanctuary...a DRAMA FREE zone where laughter happens more than tears and I can decorate it with my own style. No clutter, no mess...just peace.
Everything is falling into place for a better life now and I am finally freeing myself of the pain and desperation I have felt for so long. I realize now that I was getting no where and embarrassing myself in the process by trying to hang onto old love and trying to force an issue that is beyond my control. I am learning to truly forgive, let go and wish those who hurt me well. I will always have love in my heart for people who meant something to me. That will never go away. But, I can't force people to stay in my life who don't want to be in it. I am better for knowing them in one way or another, but it's time to move on to something new.
This new home represents a new start and getting back to myself. It doesn't mean I am selfish or going to be totally introverted. It just means that I know I need to take care of myself, my health, my well-being before I can fully give myself to anyone else. I am ready to have some fun, enjoy the summer and give myself permission to do whatever I WANT TO DO. I am ready for more parties and time with loved ones, music and maybe even some dating. I can't plan out my life and so I am ready to just see where it takes me. I am open to anything and everything! :)