Friday, June 4, 2010

"You'll see that Life is still worthwhile...if you Just Smile" - Charlie Chaplin

Life is so full of uncertain moments and anxious worry. But, every once in awhile, if you wait long enough and go through enough shit, life will throw you a bone. I think you have to go through the bad shit to appreciate the good. At least, that's what I like to believe. I can say that has thrown me that elusive bone and I have been able to breathe a sigh of much needed relief.

I have a home to go to once I leave this townhouse at the end of the month. It isn't a shit hole or in BFE or horribly over priced. It's the perfect place for a brand new start and I am so thankful that I was able to work out a deal with the owner in order to afford it. It just goes to show that there are some really good people left in this cynical world. From the second I walked into my new house, my heart jumped into my throat and I was overwhelmed with excitement. It is everything I need right now and I can see myself living there for a long time, hopefully. I am so ready to fill it with family and friends and warm happy memories. I am so ready to make it my sanctuary...a DRAMA FREE zone where laughter happens more than tears and I can decorate it with my own style. No clutter, no mess...just peace.

Everything is falling into place for a better life now and I am finally freeing myself of the pain and desperation I have felt for so long. I realize now that I was getting no where and embarrassing myself in the process by trying to hang onto old love and trying to force an issue that is beyond my control. I am learning to truly forgive, let go and wish those who hurt me well. I will always have love in my heart for people who meant something to me. That will never go away. But, I can't force people to stay in my life who don't want to be in it. I am better for knowing them in one way or another, but it's time to move on to something new.

This new home represents a new start and getting back to myself. It doesn't mean I am selfish or going to be totally introverted. It just means that I know I need to take care of myself, my health, my well-being before I can fully give myself to anyone else. I am ready to have some fun, enjoy the summer and give myself permission to do whatever I WANT TO DO. I am ready for more parties and time with loved ones, music and maybe even some dating. I can't plan out my life and so I am ready to just see where it takes me. I am open to anything and everything! :)

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