Well, I have finally found the home I want to rent. I am in the application process right now and I am praying I get the apartment. It's too perfect for me NOT to get it!! It's in my hometown, on a beautiful tree-lined street. A ranch-style home nestled amongst gorgeous historical homes, local artists and walking distance to downtown. It has a spacious living room, dining room and kitchen. A washer and dryer in the basement and a nice backyard!! I can keep my cats and it's close to my family. The only catch is that I have to pay all utilities, but rent should only be around $375/mo. so I should be able to figure it out. I am willing to work 2 jobs if I have to!! I absolutely LOVE this place!! I am trying not to get my hopes up too much, because that has bitten me in the ass many times before, but I am defintely hopeful that things will work out for the best.
I am so ready to find some peace and I think this place would help me get there. I know I will always stress about getting the bills paid, but I am a hard worker and willing to do whatever it takes to make sure I am comfortable and happy. I know it's inevitably up to me. I guess that's why I have always been so independent, because eventually it always ends up being up to me anyway. It will be so nice when, someday, I won't have to solely rely on myself to do EVERYTHING. I will actually have a responsible, mature partner who is prone to taking initiative and diving into life with me.
I have realized that I don't even know how to relinquish control to someone else because I'm so used to taking care of things. It's out of habit, not out of spite or a desire to control everything. I would actually LOVE a relationship where I didn't have to do everything, pay for everything, make sure everything was taken care of and never get to sit down and be pampered by my man. I can't say my last relationship was TOTALLY all me doing everything and never him. But, all I know is that I felt way more stressed than content and I have many reasons why. I am ready to just leave it in the past and be the person I was before...organized, so I can just be a happier person. I don't ask for much in this life and someday I hope to find someone who has his shit together enough to give it to me. In the meantime, I am back to giving it to myself. :)
I have a check list of the things I need to do to get back on track and I am slowly marking them off one by one. Life is getting sweeter by the day!