Stupid Brave

So, recently I did what could possibly be one of the bravest or stupidest things I've ever done. I quit my job. Yep, that's right....I QUIT MY JOB!!!! One side of my brain is saying "Wow, good for you...You took a stand and are trying to regain control of your career." But, the more dominant side of my brain is saying "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! What the fuck did you just do????"

Let me explain what led me to this crazy decision. I took a job in May with a Family Practice and thought it would basically be what I was doing at the Ob/Gyn office with a little more added on. I thought it would excel my experience in Administrative work, give me more money and the location was in a much nicer area, closer to my house. It was working at a front desk...how hard could it be? Afterall, it's what I had been doing for the last 3 years. They had me go for three days worth of training on a computer system I was already familiar with and to learn some new things. I had to attend several meetings that talked up the practice and made it seem like I was on board with a winner! If I had only known, in those first few "training" days, that they were basically sprinkling glitter on a turd...I would have run the other direction!!

Almost from day 1 at the family practice, it was nothing but unorganized chaos. My computer froze up and had constant glitches all day long. The practice manager was non-existent, the "front desk coordinator" was a dumb blonde "cheerleader" type who was great at blowing smoke up people's asses, but HORRIBLE at proper communication and support of the staff. And the workload. The workload in itself was beyond what compensation, time or manpower would allow. Every week, We started form behind and the hole just got deeper and deeper. Everything from the line that would form at front desk to support from the backstaff to closing at the end of the day was an absolute mess. I left everyday defeated and spent my bathroom breaks crying in the restroom. People were quitting left and right on top of everything else. I even got hauled into the manager's office after the second front desk person quit in less than 2 months and begged not to quit myself. In this harsh economy, to have people opt to QUIT (last count for that practice was 11 in less than a year), it should show them that they have a lemon on their hands.

I knew that job wasn't for me about a month into it, but I have never quit a job in my life. I am a hard worker who will put up with alot and I mean ALOT. But, this horrible job pushed me to my breaking point. I tried to fight for it. I had several meetings with the "cheerleader" and the non-existent manager to try to get them to give me more training, to give me feedback on what I need to do better, etc. But, nothing ever got better. It just kept getting worse. The final straw for me was when I got hauled into the office and told I was being written up. I was written up for an incident that was not my fault. I know...I know...everybody says that when they get written up. But, I would own up to it if I felt I was wrong. I have NEVER been written up in my life. I felt that these people were making me a scapegoat and coming down very hard on me when they had failed to support me as an employee during the training phase of the job. I can only do so much with no clear direction!! That was it for me....I had to go! Of course, I wouldn't be me if I didn't have ALOT to say on my way out!

I sent a scathing email to the practice manager and let her know that the job was hands down the worst job I have ever had in my life (and I used to scrape grease out of fry bins for a living!!). I let her know that just because we are employees, doesn't mean we deserve to be treated like slave labor. I was making only a little more money than I did when I worked for the Ob/Gyn office and doing 10 times more work. There were HIPAA violations and dept worked dumped all over the front desk like we weren't even human!! Beyond unacceptable!

So, here I am...Jobless and worried how I will meet my bills. It's like I traded one stressful situation for another. Luckily, I had an interview recently and I am still waiting for them to make a decision. So far, it isn't a NO, so I am trying to remain hopeful that I will land on my feet. It's a scary thing to gamble on yourself. I am not a huge risk-taker, but I decided that being brave and taking a leap of faith was better than wasting my life in misery at a job I hate. I've gone on several interviews over the past few months and I am realizing that I have a hard row to hoe in the job market these days. It's terrifying to be out of work during these crazy economical times and I am struggling to "sell" myself. I feel like my self-esteem is floating in the gutter right now after the past few years of my life.

All I can do now is to keep trying. Everyday, I wake up, check the online job postings and pray for an answer. I have a savings, but it won't be long before that dwindles to nothing. I have an amazing support system and I am doing all I can not to take them for granted. If it wasn't for Darren and my Mom, I don't know what I would do financially. It's been the support of the wonderful people in my life that gave me the strength to make this decision. I've really never been at the mercy of someone else and I don't like it. That alone will keep pushing me to stand on my own two feet again. I am just glad that this time it will be with no chains around my neck and ankles. The future is mine to create!! :)