Newtown: My feelings and thoughts

:::Heavy Sigh:::

In light of the tragedy that happened on Friday, December 14th, in Newtown, Connecticut, I have returned to my blog for the first time in a long while, because I can no longer be silent on the state of this world. I can no longer sit by and watch in anxiety and frustration as the human race begins to cave in on itself....mentally and spiritually.

I will try not to stand on my soap box for too long, because I know that other people will be taking a turn. We will hear the opinions of the people over and over. Some right on the money and some just bat shit crazy. But, We all have a right to say what our emotions bring forth. That's the beauty and the downfall of this world, We can express ourselves with no limit and unfortunately, some choose to do unspeakable acts while getting their point across.

First and foremost, I have to say that my heart is broken for those babies who lost their young, tender lives. Charlotte, Daniel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Madeleine, Catherine, Chase, Jesse, James, Grace, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Benjamin, Allison, Dawn, Rachel, Lauren, Mary, Nancy, Victoria, Anne... I am so sorry I have to know you in this way. I'm sure you were all wonderful people who gave your families alot of joy. Children, I wish I could have heard your names being called from an honor roll or during a graduation ceremony, instead of from this kind of list. But, I will try very hard to conduct myself in a way that I'm sure you would have if given the chance to grow up. To the adults in this list, thank you for trying to protect these kids. Thank you for teaching these children. You set an example that I hope more people will follow. I know I will try my best.

They were just at the beginning and it is so horribly unfair that they don't get to be our future. I've heard that these kids were remarkable and yet, They were remarkably like any other kid in any other town. It could be anyone's children. So, I feel a great sense of loss and a great responsibility to protect children now. I am not a mother (yet), but I know the motherly instinct is already alive in me. I have a deep compassion for the people who are hurting today. I wish I could do something to defend them and avenge the dead. I am at once angry, confused and hellbent on revenge for people I don't know. I have no aresenal of weapons, I think I've only shot a gun once in my life. I am not a murderous person. But, I do have one weapon that has served me well. I can write. So, that's what I'll do...

Emotions are running so high right now. People are screaming for gun control, gun control, gun control. I don't blame them as it is a very scary thing to see that children are being gunned down, people can't even go to the movies now for fear a madman will storm in with an aresenal. Guns seem to be available to any psycho with an ID, so of course...GUNS must be the problem, right? Not so fast.  Although, I do believe that there is no reason people need to own machine guns, military weapons or heavily artillery. I don't believe guns should be banned from our country or you should go through an FBI profiling and silkwood shower to get one. Plus, let's be realistic here, guns are not going anywhere. The use of them is weaved into the fabric of our history. To think that we will do away with them now is just silly.

Instead of going for the easy, emotional answer, I feel that more discussions need to be had. More solutions need to be formulated. We need to pull out our deck of factors and spread them out before us. What causes the perfect storm resulting in a mass shooting? It's not simply grabbing a gun and it going off in someone's hand multiple times. The gun isn't calling the shots, so to speak. There is a firestorm of rage and history there that pushes someone to the unthinkable. Throw in mental illness and We have ourselves an unpredictable tornado with no limits.

In my opinion, there are several key factors that lead to this behavior. I am not a psychiatrist or a doctor of any kind. So, I am not saying I am right or wrong. All I can say in the hopes of qualifying myself a little within this blog is that I have been an observer my whole life and have cared deeply, worried deeply, overanalyzed, obsessed and tried to find meaning/understanding in everything. I pay attention. I empathize and try to get inside the minds of others. Most of all, I feel that I came equipped with a pretty good grasp on common sense. Psychology fascinates me and I am forever asking the question "Why?" I know right from wrong and sadly, I have observed so many people getting it wrong for years now. But, who am I to determine what wrong is?? Well, I will tell you how I determine wrong...Every cause has an effect and if you keep doing something a certain way and it keeps yielding a negative effect...You're doing it WRONG!! Make sense?

Parenting is being done wrong by quite a few people. How dare I say that when I am not a parent and I don't know shit about parenting??? Well, I've been a child and can tell you what felt wrong or right to me when I was being parented. Kids need attention. Kids need to feel loved and safe. Kids need boundaries and positive reinforcement. Kids need positive role models and images in their world. Kids need stability. To be a parent, you truly must be SELFLESS not SELFISH. Put the phone away, turn off Family Guy or that violent video game, stop chasing after men or bringing a new girlfriend home every five minutes and be present in your kids life! It seems the world has gone soft and self absorbed. So many people forgot what it means to work hard at something....work hard at staying together, work hard at providing for your family and work hard at BEING PRESENT in a positive way.

Stop using technology to parent your kids. Hell, why do we need that much technology in the first place?? I am trying to practice what I preach. I got rid of my cell phone, I don't have a tablet or an I-whatever and I try to find a way to connect with my husband (and someday our kid) in some small way everyday. I want to enjoy the beauty of being truly present with the people I love, instead of being in the same room connected to millions of other strangers. Being connected to strangers yet disconnected to your core group of people is a huge problem now. People don't know how to talk to each other anymore. Social skills are on the decline and kids who struggle with it from birth are at an even bigger disadvantage! No one wants to talk to them, they are now not only being bullied at school or in life, but now more viciously behind the anonymity of a computer screen or phone. The isolation grows and the hatred mounts for some kids. We have to change this....TECHNOLOGY CONTROL!!!

Society never had to think about what they were watching on TV when TV first became popular. Morals, family values, God and hard work were the norm in most homes. We need to get back to basics. Everyone has something going on that seems to take them away from parenting, technology and entertainment have absolutely no boundaries and it has leaked into standard television viewing, even commericals are increasingly more violent and show many forms of disrespect. It's EVERYWHERE we look! You know the saying "You are what you eat", well I believe it applies to what you're exposed to on all levels. When We are pumeled constantly by images of negativity, violence, rude behavior, political unrest, war, unhealthy food and gluttonous consumption in some way...how can we not be affected by it??

Anyway, bottom line is, as I have rambled on quite a bit, that Guns are not the only issue here. We have to stop running from mental illness, because some people can be unpredictable and it scares us. We have to face it. We need more education, we need more tolerance and we need to find a way to teach respect, love and patience again. I am not a religious person, however I do believe in God and I do believe taking him out of everything has left nothing but negativity to fall back on. Sadly, people are beginning to use God as a tool for evil and to spread hate. If We don't put God back in his rightful place in this world, I do believe we will continue to slide downward. God is not a novelty. Prayer is not just for church-goers. There is something powerful there that has certainly worked in my life and when I least expected it. I will write more as time goes on, bt I just had to get my basic feelings about the present situation out in the blog. Feel free to express yourself..but please do it in a kind way! Thanks!