Friday, February 26, 2010
Fight like a Brave, don't be afraid/ No one can tell you you've got to be afraid. - Red Hot Chili Peppers
I've been doing a lot of reflecting this week about times in my life when I challenged myself to open up. It's not that I have never been capable of being brave. I have gotten up on stage and sang with a band and I have performed my sister's marriage ceremony. I can be bold when I really make the decision to suck it up and get up there. I have talents and abilities that I should be proud of and willing to show off. The problem is my mind!! I talk myself out of everything unless it's something I am 100% passionate about or if it's an opportunity that may only come once in a lifetime. Otherwise, I am perfectly comfortable sitting at home and watching my life go by.
I've been trying to remember how I felt when I gave Saul Williams some of my poetry on Valentines Day a couple years back. I waited in line, walked up to him and handed him some of my work and said "this is for you, You're an amazing artist, Happy Valentines Day." He hugged me and said "Thank You." I got an email from him a few days later thanking me again. It took guts to put myself out there like that, when everyone else in line was just saying things like "I love your work." I had a desire to share a part of myself with someone who moved me so profoundly. I couldn't let the opportunity pass. I want to remember what pushed me up on the stage to sing with my friends' band a few years ago. I think it was mostly that I was put on the spot in a bar full of people. I had a choice...run out the back door or say "fuck it!" and get up there. I chose the latter to save myself from looking like a coward. I realized that maybe that's what it takes to get me to do something....not allowing myself too much time to think about what I'm about to do. Maybe I'll try more spontaneity and see what happens!