Thursday, March 18, 2010

"How I long to be a shadow on the wall...I'd make no Sound at all" -Brandi Carlile

This week has been something I've needed for a long time now. I am beginning to feel hope again. I have been on such a weird, fucked up ride these past couple years and especially these last few months, to the point where I was doubting my sanity. I felt like I was losing ground and unable to control my life because someone, I made the catastrophic mistake of allowing into my life, was constantly draining me of energy and resources. He's someone else's problem now and I am FINALLY free!! Life feels amazing again!

I am reconnecting with old friends left and right and even discovering some that I really didn't get to know before. It makes me so happy to know that the people who care about me were never really out of reach. It's like a giant weight has been released and will only get lighter as each day passes. It's amazing how important and powerful letting go can be. I realized that my heart is still beating and open for real love to enter it. There are people out there who prey upon a kind heart and those who have one themselves. I am looking toward the latter.

I have even discovered that I can still be open to a new love, even after suffering such manipulation and betrayal. The part of me that was ready for a relationship never faded. I was just with the wrong person. I still want commitment and passion. I still want respect and friendship. I want everything that comes with a real, heartfelt relationship, in whatever form it takes. I know people come into your life for a reason and I am trying to trust it. My last boyfriend came into my life to teach me about what it is I DO NOT want. He was just the rehearsal. Now I am totally ready for the real deal. Can't wait to see what will happen next!

1 comment:

  1. Keep staying afloat on down the river girlfriend.... love ya.