Monday, March 29, 2010

"If I could quiet my mind, maybe I could hear my heart"

I have been in a little bit of a funk again lately. I am still dealing with a lot of residual anger and hurt while trying to wrap up what remains of a failed relationship. Meanwhile, I have a new love basically being handed to me and the only thing that is holding me back is the timing. I want so badly to be ready and yet I haven't had two seconds to find myself again. I am still working on myself and that doesn't happen very quickly when I've spent the last 3 years giving it all away.

Unlike some people, I can't just hop from one relationship to another without a thought. I actually honor the relationship I was in and need time to reflect on mistakes made and lessons learned. Yes...I actually LEARN from my mistakes instead of repeating them over and over. Some people are in relationships for opportunisitic, selfish gain. I get involved with someone because I like them as a person and I want an equal partnership of give and take. When you've been wounded by love, it's only natural to need some healing time. It wouldn't be fair to the person who is interested in me to just jump with my eyes closed only to run when I realize I'm in over my head again. Thank God he understands that and has been so patient and awesome. :)

I am so happy that I have this opportunity to reconnect with my own wants and desires, while being allowed to hold on to some great people in my life. That's all I need...The freedom to do as I wish without hurting anyone. Maybe it's fear that keeps me guarded, but that's how it needs to be right now. I'm glad he's willing to be there for me in whatever capacity I need him to be. I feel like that's a great start!!

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