I know, in the grand scheme of life, there are times when you just can't win a popularity contest. Things will be said about you that are ridiculous and unfair. People will have a skewed point of view that either boosts their own ego, justifies their bad behavior (in their own mind) or comes from ignorance. So really, that should be the time to walk away and say who the fuck cares? I don't need to defend myself to complete strangers who have no idea how foolish they really look. Instead of coming off confident in their new relationship and in complete awareness of the facts, they come off looking like the 3 I's...Ignorant, Immature and Insecure.
I am, by no means, perfect. I have been hurt and lashed out because of it. On the other hand, I am not a coward either. Anything I have ever said or done had a reason behind it and so I am not ashamed to admit I said or did it. I will not make up lies to justify stupid behavior, I will not talk shit behind somebody's back that I wouldn't say straight to their face. I am a straight shooter all the way around. Some people find that hard to believe because we live in a society of people who are afraid of confrontation. They avoid, lie or simply run away so they don't have to face how they feel and make it known. I, on the other hand, embrace that opportunity. That may make me opinionated, but at least you know what you're getting when dealing with me.
I've been called a Bitch and told I am full of shit because I tell the truth. Some people just can't handle it. They would rather make me look as if I am spiteful and so hell bent on drama. I am learning that there are two types of people in this world when it comes to reality. Those who live in it and those who live in make believe. I wish my life would be better, I wish I didn't do some of the stupid things I've done and I wish I could take back things I've said. But, I am not about to blame others for my actions. I am not going to try to justify it by making them look like they deserved it or paint them like the enemy only to make myself look better.
I am always loyal to people I love. They don't even have to necessarily love me back and I will still show some sort of compassion. It can be pretty pathetic at times, but it's who I am. I HATE drama and would much rather have some sort of peace with a bad situation than keep dwelling on it to the point where I am stirring up problems for the other people involved. It's not worth my time to keep the gossip mill turning. I graduated from high school years ago.
My biggest downfall in all of my recent past is that I keep trying to make things OK. I was taken for a ride, put through the ringer and lied to over and over, yet I still am restless because things are ripped to shreds and I still care. I still have that nagging dark cloud hanging over my head and I am still not totally at peace. Maybe because I never got an apology for being treated so unfairly. Maybe because there is no humility from the other side when he is as guilty as sin. It's an injustice that will never be righted. I am completely helpless to make things different, better or resolved. I wish I could just get it through my head that I can't win every battle. I have to accept the loss and move on to better things. Why do I hang on?