Just a few more days left and I am on to my new house and a new life!! I am already starting to focus on the things I need to do in order to make a better life for myself. I have been reading a lot this week about emotional maturity. I realize that I have been lacking in that dept for awhile. I tend to let my emotions rule my life in many ways. I let things bother me way too much and I believe my loved ones have suffered because of it. I never have the intention of being hurtful or over the top when I get pissed, but I know I have been just that. I could never put my finger on why I can't seem to calm down and be zen when faced with annoying or rude behavior. I allow it to piss me off and all I want to do is scream or vent about it constantly. I have trouble letting things go, even if they no longer matter. I chalked it all up to stress or being surrounded by "morons." Now, I realize that I have been looking at it all wrong! The truth is that I have the power to make better choices if I take two seconds to breathe and think about my reaction to other people's bullshit. Hi, My name is Kate and I am emotionally immature! :)
The first step is admitting it. Now, I am trying my best to change. I know I have to accept change before progress will be made,because change is sure to come when I take on a new mindset. It's going to be frickin' hard, but hopefully will lead to better, lasting relationships and a happier life. I can't keep going the way I've been going. I am not a happy person like this and it's killed a lot of relationships I held dear. I can't say that I am ALWAYS an emotional wreck and bitchy as hell. But, I let my emotions rule my mouth far too often. I have a kind heart and want nothing more than to see my loved ones happy. But, I have neglected myself in the process and it has come out in really WRONG ways. I want the kind, loving, peaceful Kate back.
I know I can't change the past, so I am trying to start from each day forward. I will try each day to make better choices, do the things I love and work on changing for the better. That's all I can do. I am so excited to move into this new place so I can set up my house to accomodate my interests. It's just little things like putting my CD player in the kitchen so I can listen to music all the time (I miss that) and making sure I have a fresh canvas ready at all times so I can do a painting when I feel stressed. I have pulled out all my old excercise dvd's so I can work on my health and I am getting a bike as soon as I can. My dad is going to be my riding partner!! I love bonding with my family! Already things are falling into place for a chilled out life. In turn I will look and feel better, go out more and want to be social and finally have ME back. I am ready to ROCK ON!! :)
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